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  Contents

  * * *

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Acknowledgments

  Readers Club Guide

  About Sarah Pekkanen

  For Greer Hendricks and Victoria Sanders

  Chapter One

  * * *

  The Invitation

  TINA ANTONELLI STARED AT the heavy, cream-colored invitation like it was a loose diamond she’d unearthed in the sandbox at the neighborhood playground. No, it was even more valuable than a diamond, she decided as she leaned against her kitchen counter and felt her nightgown-clad hip squish into something. Grape jelly, she thought absently, recalling her early-morning frenzy of sandwich making for school lunches. She reread the first line of calligraphy:

  Please join us in celebrating Dwight’s 35th birthday!

  Dwight Glass. Her old friend. How could he be turning thirty-five when she still pictured him at twenty: thin and awkward as a praying mantis, with a shock of brown hair always falling into his eyes? Dwight had lived in one of the coveted private rooms that encircled the grassy quad at the University of Virginia. While other students tossed around Frisbees or footballs on the sprawling lawn, the guys shirtless in the springtime and the girls wearing bright miniskirts or sundresses, Dwight rarely ventured past the little awning in front of his room. He always seemed to be sitting in a straight-backed chair, wearing an oxford shirt with one too many buttons done up, a thick textbook resting on his lap.

  Our plane departs from Dulles International Airport on Sunday, August 18, at 10 a.m. and returns Saturday, August 24, at 5 p.m.

  “Our plane,” Tina said, the words as airy and sweet in her mouth as a spoonful of chocolate mousse. She’d heard that Dwight had bought his own Gulfstream a few years ago.

  We’ll stay in a villa in Jamaica that comes with a chef who will fulfill all of our culinary requests. You can choose to surf or snorkel, take a helicopter tour of the island—or do absolutely nothing but relax on a private beach and lift a champagne glass for the birthday toast!

  A little moan escaped from Tina’s lips. A cook. A private beach. Champagne. She envisioned a whitewashed villa with floor-to-ceiling windows thrown open to reveal a white-sand beach; white couches in the living room—and on the beds, crisp white sheets. Everything could be white because she wouldn’t have to worry about four small children and one large dog spilling, shedding, messing, and breaking.

  “Mommy!” Or yelling.

  “Just a sec, honey,” she said.

  She imagined herself in a new bathing suit, bronzed like the girls in the Bain de Soleil ads, and mentally erased the pouch of her belly and the crow’s-feet framing her eyes. Why not? She was being offered the trip of a lifetime, from a guy she’d kissed once in college (alcohol was involved, of course; lots of alcohol and dim lighting and the bittersweet knowledge that graduation was just around the corner) and who had drifted in and out of her life in the decade and a half since then. Anything was possible.

  The telephone rang.

  “Did you get it?” Her best friend, Allie’s usually low, melodic voice tumbled over the line, containing unfamiliar hints of helium.

  “It just arrived,” Tina confirmed. “I thought it was a Drugstore.com delivery, so I opened the door in my nightgown to grab the box and I saw this freaking messenger in a tuxedo standing there! How many invitations did Dwight and Pauline send, do you think? It must’ve cost a fortune to have them hand-delivered!”

  “Just three,” Allie said. “You and Giovanni, me and Ryan, Savannah and Gary. Pauline called me last week for the addresses.”

  “And you didn’t tell?” Tina squealed.

  “And deprive the messenger of seeing you in a nightgown with no makeup?” Allie said. “Come on. I never would’ve ruined the surprise for you.”

  “I am too wearing makeup,” Tina protested. “It just happens to be left over from yesterday. I fell asleep while putting the kids to bed and woke up in a miniature race car bed at five a.m., looking like a raccoon.”

  “I heard Angelina Jolie does that every single night, too,” Allie teased. “Anyway, Pauline told me she was thinking about having a party for Dwight’s thirty-fifth when I talked to them at my birthday party last year. I had no idea it was going to be this kind of party, though.”

  “Or that it would be just us,” Tina said. “Doesn’t he have any other friends?”

  “Come on, Tina.” Allie’s tone softened the rebuke. “They’re inviting you on an amazing trip. And he’s a sweetheart. Be nice.”

  That was Allie: In college, Allie had lived next door to Dwight, although he’d been chosen to receive one of the quad’s private rooms because of his academic record, while she’d been awarded one for her leadership qualities. Whenever Dwight had joined their group for pizza and beer or study sessions, it was because Allie had pulled him along—sometimes quite literally by the hand. Back then, she’d read to a blind man once a week at the library, loaned out her class notes to anyone who asked, and smiled at strangers she passed on the street. She was still doing those things—except now she was volunteering at a homeless shelter and baking cookies anytime the PTA asked. The smiling hadn’t changed, either.

  “Okay, okay, but it’s completely insane!” Tina said as she shoved a box of Cheerios into the already crowded pantry. “A weeklong birthday party in Jamaica!”

  “It gets better,” Allie said. “Pauline e-mailed me photos of the place. There’s an infinity pool with a waterfall and a huge hot tub and you won’t believe how beautiful the beach is. It’s just going to be us and the staff. Can you believe it?”

  “The staff,” Tina repeated in a mock British accent. “But of course. I take my own miniature-size staff everywhere, too, you know. They even accompany me when I go to the bathroom, unless I race there first and lock the door.”

  Allie laughed. “Tell you what, I’m about to run to Starbucks. Want me to swing by with lattes?”

  “Are you kidding?” Tina said. “First a private jet and butler, now coffee delivery. I think I’ve stumbled into a Calgon ad.”

  “Mooooooommy!”

  “Or not,” Tina said.

  “See you in twenty,” Allie said before hanging up.

  “Sorry, honey.” Tina hurried into the living room, where Jessica, her four-year-old, was lying on the couch, watching Dora the Explorer. A little puddle with an unmistakable smell had formed on the carpet next to her.

  “I frowed up.” Jessica stated the obvious.

  “Oh, baby . . . oh, God, Caesar, no! No! Get away from that! Disgusting!”

  Tina lunged and grabbed their big, shaggy mutt by the collar, dragging him through the bac
k door and putting him in the yard. She hurried back into the kitchen, scooping up a roll of paper towels, a spray can of carpet cleaner, and a bucket from the cabinet under the sink. Jessica was the second of their kids to be hit by the stomach bug; Paolo, their eight-year-old, had just gone back to school yesterday after thirty-six hours of retching and moaning.

  “I want apple juice,” Jessica whimpered. Tina leaned over and touched her lips to her daughter’s clammy forehead. She felt a flash of guilt as she remembered arguing when Jessica had protested going to pre-K earlier that morning; she’d thought Jessica’s illness was born from the desire for the ginger ale and extra television time she’d seen her big brother receive.

  “I’m sorry, honey, we’re out. Do you want water?”

  “Apple juice.” Jessica began to cry, a thin, thready sound. Caesar scratched at the back door, doubtless digging deeper gouges into the wood. Tina thought about the enormous jumble of dirty laundry on the basement floor, the egg-encrusted dishes littering the kitchen sink, the new stain on the rug, which already resembled a Rorschach test. She had an hour and a half before she needed to pick up Sammy, her two-and-a-half-year-old, from preschool, and soon after that, the older kids would filter in, demanding snacks and needing rides to soccer practice and slinging backpacks and lunch boxes and shoes across the living room. She’d meant to start fresh today, to begin an exercise routine, to cull the outgrown clothes from the overflowing closets in their brick rambler, to read the newspaper so she’d have something other than the kids to talk about with Gio tonight. How did she always manage to get so far behind before the day had really begun?

  I want my mom, Tina thought, feeling the familiar grief rise in her chest and settle into a hard knot. It had been six years since her mother died from breast cancer, and not a day passed that Tina didn’t ache for her. Sometimes, like now, the memories slapped into her like rogue waves at the beach; other times they pulled her deep into a murky undertow that made breathing a struggle.

  “Hang on, baby.” Tina ran to the basement, got a fresh washcloth from the dryer, and rinsed it in warm water before hurrying back to wipe down Jessica’s face and lips. “I’m going to get you apple juice,” she promised. She found a blanket crumpled on the floor and made an executive decision to ignore the fact that it was covered in dog hair. She shook it out and covered Jessica. “Just wait a minute, honey. Mommy’s going to fix everything.”

  She ran back to the phone and dialed Allie’s cell number.

  “Can you grab a couple of those little boxes of apple juice from Starbucks?” she asked. “Jessie’s sick.”

  “Oh, my poor goddaughter,” Allie said. “Of course. Anything else? A muffin?”

  Tina caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror on the dining room wall. Still in her grape-jelly-stained nightgown, her too-long dark curls bouncing wildly around her face, evidence of the four children she’d carried forever imprinted in the roll around her stomach.

  “Yes,” she said, defying the promises she’d made to herself to begin a diet today—another diet. “Can you make it two muffins? Blueberry Streusel for Jess and low-fat bran for me. No, screw it, two blueberry. I’ll pay you back.”

  She put the phone back in its charger, feeling beyond grateful that she and Allie had become best friends in junior high school and had both settled in their original hometown, less than five miles away from each other in Alexandria, Virginia. They’d shared all the milestones in life—first boyfriends, proms, weddings, childbirth, the loss of Tina’s mom . . . Their husbands, Giovanni and Ryan, even worked in the same general field, since Gio was a construction manager and Ryan an architect, and they’d become buddies, too. Allie was the only person Tina could imagine inviting over before she’d had a chance to clean up and take a shower.

  Tina reached for the invitation and read it one final time, then dropped it into the trash can, feeling a pang as it landed on top of toast crusts and stained paper towels. She thought about what it would be like to sleep as late as she liked, to sit down at a table and savor a gourmet meal—rather than gobble leftover mac-n-cheese—to sink into the soft sand and read an entire book. She used to love reading; when was the last time she’d actually cracked the cover of anything longer than a pamphlet of potty-training tips? She could almost feel the sun’s warmth tickling her skin, taste the sweetness of a pineapple-rum drink, smell the coconut suntan lotion . . . They hadn’t been on a vacation, other than a few family trips to the shore, since their kids were born. Money was far too tight.

  But she hadn’t been able to make it to the hairdresser’s for three months; it would be impossible to escape to Jamaica for a week.

  She’d write a letter to Pauline declining, and send Dwight a little gift. Maybe a bottle of champagne, even though he probably drank far more expensive stuff than she could afford. Allie was right; it was incredibly nice of him to invite them.

  She put the carpet cleaner back under the sink, making a mental note to pick up Popsicles when she went to get Sammy at preschool. Poor Jessica would have to come along for the ride; she’d make sure to keep the windows rolled down and bring along a paper bag.

  “Mommy!”

  How could she and Gio ever go away, when there was no one they could leave their children with?

  * * *

  Allie Reed juggled a tray of lattes and a paper bag filled with muffins and juice boxes as she dug into her jeans pocket for the keys to her blue Honda minivan. She pushed the Unlock button for the door, then arranged everything: drinks in the cup holders, bag on the passenger’s side floor, purse on the seat next to her. She glanced at the dashboard clock and made a quick decision. There hadn’t been any line at Starbucks, for once, and the grocery store was on the way to Tina’s house. She had time.

  She pulled out of the parking lot, waving her thanks to the driver of an old pickup truck who slowed to let her go ahead of him, and steered toward the Safeway a half mile away. Because she and Tina talked almost every day, she knew that Tina was running low on milk and just about everything else, that Gio was working long hours, and that her old friend was probably only one more interrupted night’s sleep away from becoming ill herself. She’d joked around when Tina mentioned wearing a nightgown and day-old makeup to greet the messenger, but the truth was, she was worried.

  Allie’s kids were older now—Sasha was nine and Eva was seven, both in school all day long—but she’d never forget the heavy, gray exhaustion that had enveloped her during their early years, when someone always seemed to be teething or wetting the bed or tripping and banging her head against the edge of the coffee table. She’d managed to power through it with the help of a constantly brewing pot of coffee, three-mile, stress-relieving runs when Ryan got home at night, and the occasional Saturday when Ryan had gotten up early and snuck out with the girls for pancakes. But the memory of the effort it required to maintain a constant vigil, to anticipate the dangers of bottles of cleaning fluids and speeding cars and exposed light sockets, of all the nights that felt like she’d caught a series of naps rather than a proper sleep, made her feel as if she’d gone through a kind of war.

  Right now, though, her life was back in balance, and it felt especially sweet. Allie loved her part-time job as a social worker, and she could fit in clients around the girls’ schedules. They weren’t rich, but Ryan’s commissions as a residential architect, combined with her income, meant money wasn’t a concern. She and Ryan were going through a particularly good stretch in their marriage, too. Watching him patiently coach the kids on Sasha’s soccer team—who seemed to morph into a giant, thrashing mass of limbs around the ball—or run alongside Eva’s two-wheeler, steadying her until she learned to pedal unassisted, conjured in Allie a different kind of love for him, deeper and richer than she’d experienced during the early days of their relationship. More and more lately, she found her eyes seeking out his during little moments, like the time Eva successfully recited a line in a school play, or when Sasha suddenly grasped the basics of multiplicatio
n. Seeing his pride and joy made her own multiply.

  “Choose your husband well,” Allie’s mom had once said. “Because you’re going to give him the most important job in the world: father of your children.”

  Allie had chosen exceptionally well. If they had sex a bit less often these days, if all of their activities seemed to revolve around the girls—well, wasn’t that to be expected when you had young kids? She was one of the lucky ones, Allie told herself, rapping her knuckles on the dashboard as she pulled into a parking spot at Safeway. She never let herself take it for granted; it was one of the reasons why she served lunch at a homeless shelter every Tuesday and donated counseling sessions to abused women—why she paid into the karma coffers every chance she got. Life had treated her very gently so far. She prayed it would continue to do so, even though she secretly worried that every extra day of good luck was pulling the pendulum back a bit farther, tempting it to swing that much harder in the other direction.

  She shook off her superstition as she hurried into the grocery store. “Good morning!” she called as she passed an employee stocking shelves with soup cans.

  She began loading a cart: organic 2 percent milk, a large bottle of apple juice, wheat bread for toast, bananas and saltines, two freshly made pizzas from the deli section, and a big green salad. She tossed in a stick of butter, just in case Tina was low, then found the medicine aisle and added a bottle of children’s Motrin, bubble gum flavor. That would take care of Jessica as well as dinner tonight. Allie crossed over to another aisle and picked up People and Cosmo—the good stuff; this was no time for the brain fiber of Newsweek. There was just one more thing she needed. She scanned the ice cream cases until she discovered the Häagen-Dazs, and added a pint of chocolate to her cart. She hesitated, feeling as though she’d forgotten something, then picked up a box of the brightly colored Popsicles her girls always wanted when they were sick.